mezmerize/hypnotize

It’s snowing all the time. Wow, I’ve seen so much snow in Finland recently!! … over a year ago. Yesterday I was riding sledges (I hope you "ride’ sledges, not "drive"?) with Ania and Jola. Jola came back home for Christmas-break from Scotland where she works. And she wanted to finally see snow ’cause in Scotland it is only cold . She goes back to Scotland on Sunday so tonight we will go to have pizza with more friends. This will be a farewell meeting for Jola. In the bottom of my heart I also hope to have a farewell meeting when I’ll be going away…

I’ve became a big fan of System Of A Down. "Wow" – that’s all I can say. It’s metal music, or heavy metal, or just rock – call it whatever you like, it’s nevermind. I can tell you in a secret that I’ve downloaded their 2 albums "Mezmerize" and "Hypnotize" but shhh… I guess it’s illegal! And I’m listening! And my parents are getting angry ’cause it’s too loud for them.  System Of A Down rulez!! I am mezmerized/hypnotized by them!

the greatest

Hitlist 2005; the greatest hits


1. Daniel Powter – Bad Day
[… cause you need the blue sky, holiday…]
2. James Blunt – You’re Beautiful
[… my life is brilliant, my love is pure…]
3. Negative – The Moment Of Our Love
[… love is right now so don’t close your heart…]
4. Coldplay – Speed Of Sound
[… birds go flying at the speed of sound to show you how it all began…]
5. Gorillaz – Feel Good Inc
[… love forever, love is free, let’s turn forever you and me…]
6. Green Day – Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
[… my shadow’s the only one that walks beside me…]
7. Robbie Williams – Tripping
[… why do you think we should suffer in silence? When a heart is broken there’s nothing to break…]
8. Good Charlotte – I Just Wanna Live
[…don’t really care about the things that they say…]
9. Athlete – Wires
[…
I see it in your eyes, you’ll be alright…]
10. Apocalyptica feat. Ville Valo & Lauri Ylönen – Bittersweet
[… break this bittersweet spell on me…]
11. The Killers – Somebody Told Me
[… you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend…]
12. Moby – Lift Me Up
[… lift me up higher now up now…]
13. Within Temptation – Memories
[… all of my memories keep you near, your silent whispers, silent tears…]
14. Stereophonics – Dakota
[… you made me feel like the one…]
15. 2Pac feat. Elton John – Ghetto Gospel
[… those who wish to follow me I welcome with my hands…]
16. Kelly Clarkson – Since U Been Gone
[…
I can breath for the first time, I’m so movin’ on…]
17. Gorillaz – Dare
[… never did no harm, it’s DARE…]
18. Madonna – Hung Up
[… time goes by so slowly…]
19. The Chemical Brothers – Galvanize
[…
my finger is on the button… push the button…]
20. U2 – City Of Blinding Lights
[… the more you see the less you know, the less you find out as you go…]

thinking kills

I
feel low. Well, I could say that it’s usual for me in the end of the
year but every year I hope it will be different. In the end of each
year I am in bad mood. I have my reasons… although I am sure at the
other time of year I wouldn’t pay so much attention to those reasons.
The turn of the years makes me feel something is passing by, and I
don’t really know which way to turn. Yes, I have to resign from my flat
in Toruń and I ‘m coming back home …
I think I’m too old to come back home to my parents. I just don’t want
to come back but as long as I don’t have a job, I can’t live on my own.
That makes me feel so mad!
No, I don’t have a job. I am losing hope and even my big plans for
going abroad seem to be so distant and unreal. Yes, I’m taking part in
the course which will help me in getting job abroad, yes, I’m passing
particular parts… but what to do when I don’t have enough power? When
it is turning out that I’m good in this, I’m glad only for a short
while. And then low mood appears again. Fuck. Let this year finally end.
This time there’s New Year’s Eve party at my place. Still in Toruń…
it will be my last party there. I have invited some of my friends from
the studies but again that doesn’t cheer me up. Yeah, there will be a
big party – and so what? I will have to get up next day… and get out
from the crossroads I am now. How will the next year be?
It seems to me that I’m thinking too much. I should tattoo the new motto "thinking kills" – instead of "feeling good". Who will say to take it easy?

let there be love

Hitlist, December 26th

1. 1 (3) Röyksopp – What Else Is There?
2. 2 (4) Coldplay – Talk
3. 3 (3) Oasis – Let There Be Love
4. 9 (5) James Blunt – High
5. 4 (8) Madonna – Hung Up
6. 6 (5) Gorillaz – Dirty Harry
7. 7 (5) Anastacia – Pieces Of A Dream
8. 11 (2) Depeche Mode – A Pain That I’m Used To
9. 5 (7) Shakira – Don’t Bother
10. 15 (4) Daniel Powter – Free Loop
11. 13 (5) Alanis Morissette – Crazy
12. 14 (4) Sugababes – Ugly
13. 10 (9) The Black Eyed Peas – My Humps
14. – (1) Korn – Twisted Transistor
15. 8 (10) Sugababes – Push The Button
16. 17 (2) Mattafix – Big City Life
17. 18 (5) Green Day – Jesus Of Suburbia
18. 12 (13) Robbie Williams – Tripping
19. – (1) System Of A Down – Hypnotize
20. 19 (6) Melanie C – First Day Of My Life
    

one, two, three, four

I
didn’t have much willingness and time to write here.. Although it has
been the first week since I don’t go to work. But despite my laziness
some things are worth mentioning.

The first: I already had an interview in order to get a new job. This
would be the position of manager’s assistant in clothing-sales company.
The interview was held by the manager himself; partly in Polish and
partly in English. He asked me what are my dreams… and of course I
told him almost everything about China .
I liked this interview, I was so chilled out and suprisingly talkative.
The manager also liked it ’cause I received an email from him where
he’s written that among 100 candidates (I don’t believe him!) he’s
chosen only 3 persons. I am among the best! He asked us to do some very
strange task. It was difficult; I’ve done it but I don’t think I’ve
done it right. But I don’t really know if I want to work there… the
salary he proposed is very low and… I will look for something else.
If not here (for sure not here!) then…. you all know what I mean!

The second: I’ve finally finnished the driving course. I’ve already set
up the date of exam; I’m having it on 3rd of January so please keep
your fingers crossed! I am full of hope and positive feelings. Let the
power be with me!

The third: I decided (well, Calvin convinced me )
to gain a special certificate for teaching English abroad. It’s
necessary to get a job in China.. as a teacher. Who would have thought
that I could be a teacher? Yeah, I used to be a private teacher for my
friends who needed it but I’ve never thought I could teach somebody
seriously! Life is full of surprises and we still learn something
new… also about ourselves. And transferring the knowledge to someone else seems to be the greatest gift human can give.

The fourth: Christmas! I received very nice card from my friend-family
from Finland. They also sent me some photos I haven’t seen before. I am
a bit ashamed that I haven’t sent them anything… but this website is
also the good place to post wishes.
Dear Helena and Esa, dear Taija and Teppo, dear Annukka and Aki!
Wish you happiness and only good feelings. Let your dreams come true –
don’t be afraid of having dreams. Just look, life is wonderful when you
allow it!

[Sometimes I seem to be too idealistic in thinking, don’t I?]

what else is there?

Hitlist, December 19th

1. 5 (2) Röyksopp – What Else Is There?
2. 2 (3) Coldplay – Talk
3. 13 (2) Oasis – Let There Be Love
4. 1 (7) Madonna – Hung Up
5. 7 (6) Shakira – Don’t Bother
6. 4 (4) Gorillaz – Dirty Harry
7. 8 (4) Anastacia – Pieces Of A Dream
8. 6 (9) Sugababes – Push The Button
9. 16 (4) James Blunt – High
10. 12 (8) The Black Eyed Peas – My Humps
11. – (1) Depeche Mode – A Pain That I’m Used To
12. 3 (12) Robbie Williams – Tripping
13. 9 (4) Alanis Morissette – Crazy
14. 19 (3) Sugababes – Ugly
15. 20 (3) Daniel Powter – Free Loop
16. 11 (11) Room 5 – Make Luv
17. – (1) Mattafix – Big City Life
18. 10 (4) Green Day – Jesus Of Suburbia
19. 17 (5) Melanie C – First Day Of My Life
20. 14 (8) Pharrell feat. Gwen Stefani – Can I Have It Like That
    

the last day

Today is the last day of my work.

Woohoo! I am doing nothing, just nothing.. And I feel fine.

Sometimes it’s good to be lazy .

I’m going to drink something with my friends to celebrate my quitting the job!

Nothing can make me feel unrelaxed today!

getting mad

Yesterday in the afternoon I was mad at everyone. Reason? My colleagues from work… yeah, they are very nice but they are making me feel guilty! That’s horrilble! I know they don’t intend to do it but everytime they say "oh, don’t leave us so soon" or "what will we do when you’re gone, oh…" – I’m beginning to be mas. That’s weird. I should be glad they like me! So what’s wrong? I just hate when people feel sorry for me. I think I’m getting mad ’cause I feel that I’m losing control over the situation. I’m furious when not all depends on me. Is that the sign of the dictatorial features of my personality?

For the whole yesterday I had a "stay-away-from-me"-attitude. I hate it. I want to be friend for everyone. It’s so good that this day has already passed. "Tomorrow" always gives hope.. and it’s far better today!

On Friday I’m finnishing my short career of specialist in logistics!

Will the world be mine?

Will I become the king of the world?

silent and calm

How silent and calm it is now at work! The hot season is over, there’s not much to work… Or it is possible that only I have such feelings ’cause I’m quitting. Yes, this is the last week I’m spending in this weird company. Generally it wasn’t so bad as you might think, except last few weeks… I’ve learned so much, gained some experience, and earned some money for making my dreams come true.

This is the time of the year when it is almost dark for all the time. Not so dark like in Finland  but dark enough to feel worse… The days are so short (they last only 7 hours)! Christmas are so close!

I’m finnishing my driving course. Soon I will have the test. For now everything is alright with the car I drive… so maybe I will pass this test with the first time?? Hope so. That would make my situation easier because this is the only obstacle in my plans for future… As soon as I pass the driving test I can go! The world is mine!

talk

Hitlist, December 12th

1. 1 (6) Madonna – Hung Up
2. 8 (2) Coldplay – Talk
3. 3 (11) Robbie Williams – Tripping
4. 14 (3) Gorillaz – Dirty Harry
5. – (1) Röyksopp – What Else Is There?
6. 2 (8) Sugababes – Push The Button
7. 9 (5) Shakira – Don’t Bother
8. 5 (3) Anastacia – Pieces Of A Dream
9. 13 (3) Alanis Morissette – Crazy
10. 10 (3) Green Day – Jesus Of Suburbia
11. 4 (10) Room 5 – Make Luv
12. 11 (7) The Black Eyed Peas – My Humps
13. – (1) Oasis – Let There Be Love
14. 7 (7) Pharrell feat. Gwen Stefani – Can I Have It Like That
15. 6 (8) Franz Ferdinand – Do You Want To
16. 16 (3) James Blunt – High
17. 19 (4) Melanie C – First Day Of My Life
18. 15 (19) James Blunt – You’re Beautiful
19. 18 (2) Sugababes – Ugly
20. 20 (2) Daniel Powter – Free Loop